What is Your Why?

Homeschooling by our passions… Why do you home school? What is the passion behind your choice? Understanding your own personal “why” helps you understand where to take your journey next, and also helps to develop your child’s passion.

As our school year draws to a close, many start wondering if they want to continue on the homeschool journey next year. Many are battling the negative opinion of family members, or a general lack of support in the community. It’s been a seven-year journey of home education for us, and I still sometimes flounder and flail when people ask me about socialization, when they voice their (usually strong) opinion that children should be institutionalized for education and socialization! I still doubt myself occasionally and sometimes I want to throw in the towel!

What keeps me going? My passion. Remembering the “Why.”

I homeschool because it is the best choice for my children. It’s a sacrifice and one I don’t make lightly. (None of us do!) Because of their special needs and multiple failed attempts at class work, I see clearly that an institutionalized education would fail my children. I don’t want them to fail at life. I want them to pursue their passions, just as every other parent out there desires. We all want the best for our children!

When we discover the joy of pursuing our passions, it is easier to encourage others to do the same. Without knowing or understanding our personal “why,” without exploring our passion, we quickly lose the enjoyment of homeschooling. Once we engage our own passions, we can better inspire our children’s passions. Helping our children discover their “why” for education helps them develop a joy of lifelong learning.

I give you a challenge today: Engage your passion. Write it down, make it a vision board, rediscover your joy in the journey. See how it changes your home education journey!

Taking Care of Us

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There comes a time when we start questioning ourselves, when the challenge of parenting, educating, therapy, work, and all the other things we deal with in our lives becomes overwhelming and we wonder if we are doing the right thing, or if we need to let something drop off our list. These are often signs of burnout and fatigue.

We need to make sure we take time to take care of ourselves. Self-care is something I often neglect. It’s important to take care of the whole family, to remember ourselves while we are doing so much. As parents we often put the children first. There are so many things vying for our attention that it is easy to lose us in the process.

There are things we can do, though. We don’t have to go big to take care of us:

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  • Journal – Writing for some is greatly therapeutic! It gives us a place to vent and express our thoughts and feelings in a safe place. Sometimes all we need to do is express it.
  • Be Alone – Sometimes just doing something by yourself is refreshing. Grocery shop without the kids, get out of the house alone, go for a drive, sit in the driveway, just find some silence where no one is able to interrupt.
  • Exercise – Plan something regularly to get out and move! Find what you enjoy — dance, aerobics, yoga, swimming. There are many classes you can enroll in to bring accountability into your exercise program. I once joined Middle Eastern dancing for the fun of it, and I’ve done rock climbing too. Find something different, try something new!
  • Friends – Just spend time with friends. Go out for dinner or to a movie, have coffee, go window shopping. Do something you enjoy with someone you like.
  • Date – This isn’t (just) for single folks. If you have a spouse, make a plan for date night. Take care of your relationship, add some spice to your relationship. Make room in your life for uninterrupted quality time with your partner.
  • Get Creative – Draw, paint, photograph, write, decorate, knit, crochet, cross-stitch, needlepoint, sew… You don’t have to be good at it, you just have to do it. Express yourself!
  • Play – Be social. Have game nights, spend time with friends as a family. Have family movie nights, family games, family outings. Make time for fun. So often we get so focused on raising and teaching kids that we forget to have fun with them. It’s important to make sure our kids know relationships are important too.
  • Know Yourself – Know what you enjoy and go do it. Make time for yourself. If you don’t fit this list, make your own.

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Burnout happens to everyone. We need to be proactive; if it happens, be honest and gracious with yourself. Be purposeful, make appointments with yourself and keep them! Take care of yourself. Remember we show our children how to take care of themselves, and this is something we must model, not teach.

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Teaching Humility

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How do we teach our children to be humble when we so often miss the point of it?

What is humility? How do we protect our children from the sin of pride, while at the same time teaching them that they are valuable and important?

For too many years, I thought humility was to depreciate myself, to cling to my failings and faults in order to refuse value. I thought humility was always being aware of my failings, my sins — to live in degradation because of the things I do or have done wrong…in other words, to continually pay for the consequences of my sins. I have lived in the shadow of seeking to be perfect because I didn’t believe I had value otherwise. I have struggled with teaching my children to be humble because I did not understand humility myself. I have heard parents say they did not want to praise their children’s accomplishments because they didn’t want to teach them to be prideful. I do not want my children to believe they were less than they are. I want them to know I believe in them and I am pleased with their accomplishments!

God has been working on my heart. I have realized that humility is very much like courage. Courage is strongest in the face of danger. A person who never faces a challenge, who never faces danger, cannot be called courageous; so also, a person who does not believe in their value cannot be called humble.

If we do not have an intrinsic understanding of our value, we cannot truly understand humility.

Let’s look at some Biblical examples. Who does Scripture admonish to be humble? At first, it is the Israelite nation. Why? They have intrinsic, God-given value. God made it abundantly clear to them that He held them in high regard. He literally moved oceans, rivers, and armies to prove how much He cared for them. They KNEW, without a shadow of a doubt, that they were chosen to be God’s special people. What did they do with this knowledge, however? A lot of the time they used it to set themselves apart from the other nations. They set themselves up as more valuable than other people because they had God’s favor. So often, they took the special favor given them by God and decided it was their right rather than their gift. They forgot the source of their value. They sought perfection to hold onto His favor instead of seeking Him. They refused to be humble. In turn, they had to be humbled.

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God doesn’t want proud people. Prideful people treat others with disrespect and abuse. He wants us to understand we are valuable and then show others that they, too, are valuable.

Pride is believing you alone are valuable and have the right to hurt or hold others down so you look more valuable than they are.

Then there is self-degradation. Self-degradation is refusing to believe you have value, focusing only on your failings, and believing that you cannot have value until you have achieved perfection. This is disproved in Scripture time and time again.

Self-degradation, the belief that you have no intrinsic value, is pride, not humility. It stands beside pride in believing that you alone are responsible for achieving value.

Though there are many examples through Scripture, you really only need to look at one character to see this: David. David was a simple shepherd, without value in his family of origin, shrouded in mystery, small in size, without anything to recommend him when Samuel anoints him to be the next king of Israel. Suddenly, his life does a complete turnaround and he is pretty much left reeling from the changes. What David does have to begin with is a deep understanding of his value in God’s eyes.

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David understands that all his accomplishments are because God has provided them and protected him. Even knowing that, even understanding that God was beside him and eager to answer any question he had, David was not perfect. Sometimes he forgot to ask God what to do. Sometimes he blatantly chose to sin, such as when he committed adultery with Bathsheba and had Uriah killed. Sometimes he made huge errors in judgment because he neglected to check in with God. History, however, tells us that no matter what David did, God continued to show him favor. David didn’t need to be perfect; he needed to maintain his humbleness by remembering where his favor came from, returning to God every time he messed up, and using his favor to help others.

Humility comes from understanding God holds your value; it is a gift meant to be shared. Humility is understanding you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to accomplish it all or be strong enough to sustain life. Humility is remembering where you have come from, what you have survived; it is knowing you have value despite the mistakes and errors made along the way. It is seeing the full journey, recognizing God’s hand in your life and treating others the same way.

This is what humbleness is. Humbleness is knowing intrinsically what your value is and Who it comes from, and helping others to see the same value in themselves.

So, how do I teach my children to be humble? I have to start by teaching them they are valued, that they are loved, that they are important. I need to teach them that their failings and mistakes will never affect their value in my eyes or in God’s. Then, I have to teach them to treat every other person they interact with as valuable also. Only then will they truly understand the meaning of humility.

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Passionate Rewards

My youngest son, LMB, has a tendency to develop obsessions with some things. Lego Movie, Lego, Angry Birds, Hot Wheels, Star Wars, etc. Currently, his obsession is Pokemon Go. Every child finds something different that they become passionate about.

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LMB has been a late reader. He struggled hard to learn how to read and has finally succeeded, much to his delight — and mine! To encourage him to branch out and explore reading more, to discover the real world of books, I plan to use Pokemon Go to inspire and reward him. I found pictures of the various Pokemon characters, and printed and laminated them. For every small book he reads, or for every chapter in a chapter book, he will earn a Pokemon picture to post on a bulletin board. When he’s earned ten, he’ll be able to trade them in for a larger reward…we haven’t decided on what yet, but he’s bargaining for cash.

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While he’s excited about reading now, he’s still uncertain of his abilities, he’s still lacking in esteem in this area. He is excited about earning the Pokemon characters and the possibility of a greater reward as he collects them.

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When we can find the things our children are already interested in and utilize them to encourage them and excite them to pursue learning, we both gain an advantage! When he’s excited to learn, there is less of a battle to get his work done. When he has a reason beyond “because I told you to,” he’s more willing to cheerfully get it done.

I’m blessed with LMB, he truly enjoys learning, but even then he sometimes needs a little more incentive. I guess you could call this is our personal “Reading Plan.” It could be developed to be used with any area that a child needs encouragement in — Scripture memorization, math skills, spelling words, etc. Finding the “currency” in your child’s passion helps. Help them use that passion to collect larger rewards and see how they find their own incentives, their own passion for learning.

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Not Passion-led?!

What happens when you can’t teach according to your child’s passions? Let’s face it — there are some courses that simply must be taught, and eventually you run out of ways to combine it with their passion!

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What I have done in this situation is to show my boys how this knowledge/skill is essential to their life goals. I’ve shared previously that TLC wants to be a truck driver, so we have had many conversations about the knowledge and skills he will need to achieve his goals. Since he not only wants to drive a truck, but he also wants to run the business and have a fleet of trucks, he will need to know how to read, write, and work with numbers, as well as have social and leadership skills in order to succeed. That’s not always enough to keep him motivated, but it is his purpose for pursuing subjects he doesn’t care about.

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The other thing about non-passion subjects is they have to be scheduled in. Every day. This is life. Every day we have to do things we don’t want to do. For TLC that means that every day we do math and reading/writing. The rest is less structured and comes from more diverse sources.

Sometimes I simply have to say, “You have to learn this and it’s non-negotiable.”

This year, as we move into junior high, we’re going to build a vision board — something that will help TLC keep his dreams and goals in front of him, to help him realize his need to continue pursuing his passion. He has big dreams, giant goals, and I want to teach him to how to achieve them. Finding a way to work through the stuff we hate to do is part of that process. His dreams won’t come true with ease; they will take hard work and he will face adversity along the way. School is just another stepping stone, an opportunity to learn how to push through adversity and succeed.

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